she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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