well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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