Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You made out with two different species that night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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