Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize