i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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