so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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