Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize