You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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