These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize