You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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