Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize