What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize