Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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