the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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