my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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