How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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