Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize