I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize