If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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