U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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