On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize