I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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