So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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