I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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