I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize