Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(855): View more from

somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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(855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d

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(281): View more from Texas

Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.

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(281): Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills. http://tfl.nu/z224

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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(516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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(502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9

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(210): View more from Texas

he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

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(210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1

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(631): View more from New York

I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me

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(631): I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me http://tfl.nu/qlti

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(315): View more from New York

Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.

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(315): Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run. http://tfl.nu/6sa5

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(573): View more from Missouri

I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.

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(573): I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot. http://tfl.nu/yflo

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches

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(828): i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches http://tfl.nu/n6i5

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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly

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(859): i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly http://tfl.nu/pft1

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(210): View more from Texas

Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.

(936): View more from Texas

As you should.

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(210): Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis. (936): As you should. http://tfl.nu/jcwt

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.

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(832): I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair. http://tfl.nu/tpcg

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(678): View more from Georgia

i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.

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(678): i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me. http://tfl.nu/f868

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.

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(724): I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober. http://tfl.nu/htfr

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