dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh god it's open bar.
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