don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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