Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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