and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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