i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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