watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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