I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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