It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We are two peas in an std pod
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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