I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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