Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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