The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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