i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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