As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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