lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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