one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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