Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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