i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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