MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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