It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize