I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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