if you like me you must not know who I am
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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