did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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