I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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