i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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