After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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